I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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