Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
