Only a mothe r could love this liver
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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