Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
