she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
