Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
