I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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