I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
