i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
that may or may not have been my penis.
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