I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My pussy is not your playground.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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