my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
