you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
