On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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