i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
