Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
