Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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