everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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