Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
