Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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