Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
