I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
