I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
