I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
