Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
