I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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