He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
