wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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