can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How does one acquire holy water?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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