I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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