one might say we're banned from that church
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
