Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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