i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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