Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
