Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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