I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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