Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
