don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
