Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
