Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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