if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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