I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
