THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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