Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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