I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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