Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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