he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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