It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
