Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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