I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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