I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
