They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
should my penis look like a turkey
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Please don't give away my fajitas
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