dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
