I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
