ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
