Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
