Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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