You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
