You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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