when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
