i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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