I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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