Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
