You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
