So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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