I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
